“It Sucks To Be You.” - Issue #85 Land Line
I have begun using a “land line” because I don’t get good cellular phone reception at “The Farm House,” here in Iowa. By “not good” I mean that in order to use my cellular phone I have to climb up to the north eastern most point of this house’s roof, Green Acres style, wearing a homemade suit of aluminum foil. Then, clutching the drain pipe of the roof with my left hand and the cellular phone in my right hand, I must hoist my body as far out above the ground as I can safely manage, all the while holding my body in a position that would make an enlightened Yoga Master lose his “Zen” with jealousy, and if I do this just right, well, then I can get a half bar of signal for 22.3 seconds, which is just enough time to send or receive one text message. Oh, and I can only do this during certain portions of an extremely complicated lunar cycle that I discovered after researching Vedic Astrology in a secret basement room in the Library of Alexandria...
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